Thoughts of Junie

By Junie| Thoughts of Junie

There’s something soul-crushing about loving someone who only seems to love you when it fits their schedule.

It’s not that they don’t love you — at least, not entirely. It’s that they choose when to.
They call when they’re lonely. They show up when they need softness.
They touch you like they mean it, but only after the world has beaten them down.
And for a while, that feels like enough. For a while, you convince yourself that this is love — that maybe some people just love differently. That maybe you’re asking for too much.
But deep down, you know better.

You know what it feels like to be someone’s afterthought.
To go days without hearing from them, only to get a message when the silence finally starts to settle.
You know what it’s like to watch them treat others with consistency, with care — while you get the scraps.
You’ve memorized the pattern: hot, cold, gone.

And still, you stay. You stay because the moments they do show up feel electric.
Because the kisses are deep and the apologies convincing.
Because you tell yourself, “This time, it’s different.”
But love shouldn’t feel like you’re holding your breath.
It shouldn’t feel like you’re always waiting for the next withdrawal after the deposit.

The hardest part isn’t realizing they only love you when it’s convenient.
It’s admitting that you’ve been loving them at your most inconvenient.
At your most exhausted.
At your most hurt.
At your most loyal.

You kept showing up — tired, anxious, doubting yourself — just to prove your love was real.
They showed up when the silence got too loud.
You showed up when you had nothing left to give.

That’s the difference.

Loving someone who loves you conveniently makes you feel disposable.
But loving someone when it hurts? That makes you powerful — even when it doesn’t feel like it.

If you’re reading this and nodding through tears or clenched teeth —
Please know this:

You are not hard to love.
You are just loving someone who doesn’t know how to hold something sacred unless it’s slipping through their fingers.
And one day, someone will love you inconveniently —
On your bad days. On your messy days. On your quiet, unshiny, unfiltered days.
And they’ll do it without needing a reason. Without needing to lose you first.

Until then, choose yourself.
Even if it means letting go of the one who only picks you when it’s easy.